Love: What comes first, expressions or feelings?

I was in CT over Passover and I ran into an old friend of mind, an optometrist. As usual we got in to a fast paced conversation -this time about the holiday.

He was wondering why it was that many of the customs, especially the practice of not mixing unleavened bread (matzo) with liquid, seemed unnecessarily burdensome.

He had a point; after all, practically speaking, it is highly unlikely that unleavened bread would have any remnant of unbaked flour that would then mix with liquid and rise. This is not to say it can't happen, then again one can also win the lottery.

To be clear our dilemma regarded the "extra" observances that stem from the core biblical and rabbinic laws (for more on this please see post "the politics of semantics"). Many Jewish practices that stem from hypothetical contingencies are observed despite their unlikely occurrence, such as the black/fur hat. Why?

Our conversation then turned to potential explanations. I would like to share the one that seemed most compelling.

This response assumes that the observance of extra rules to guard against breaches in core observances shares a relationship analogous to that a parent and a child.

Thus a parent is required by society and core legal practice to act as a guardian of their child. For example on a cold day the parents core obligation is ensure that their child remains warm. However, like many of parents/children can attest, most parents go the extra mile when bundling up their children from the cold; the extra scarf, mittens, or hat, all of which is an expression of love.

It is the same way with the extra observance, which goes beyond the legal obligation and is a reflection of love.

But what if you don't love G-d or, for that matter, believe in him?

This leads directly into the question of why we act lovingly. Do future spouses really love each other on first sight?
Indeed, many of my close acquaintances before and after getting married shared with me their concern that they didn't feel in love -I responded "yet".

The point is that one need not love to express love. On the contrary, as psychiatrist Jeffrey Satinover explains, to feel love one should express love. By not dipping matzo in water we are telling G-d I love you OR I hope one day to love you OR to believe in you.