Is “Human Surfing” Another Effect of the Internet Age?

A friend and I were discussing the relationship between social-milieu and dating. He mentioned that his friend had been in the singles capital of NYC Friday evening. As is “customary” there, following the evening service everyone exits the ordered chapel into a mass of mingling singles. My friends friend wished a women good evening and as she shook his hand her eyes instinctively shifted to another man. This man in turn was shaking another’s hand and staring at a third person.

My psychology inclined friend explained that these individuals had taken their individuality so far that now they resemble a collective of the highly superficial and selfish. Which explains the tremendous success they have at the office were individualism is prized, and the dearth of more than one-night-stand-couples.

I agree that the pervasive state of singleness that exists there is underpinned by an extreme of individualism –selfishness. Yet this does not explain their inability to focus on one person for any appreciable amount of time. Thus beyond the uniformly negative opinion outsiders have of this little island of loneliness, and the close minded bubble that many of the insiders live in, the whole episode rings a familiar tune.

It seems that the above vignette, reflects an unexplored tributary of a much discussed phenomena. Surly we have all heard the doomsayers and observers postulating the ramifications of the age of internet surfing: short attention spans the rewiring of individuals and societies brain paths etc. Is it possible that my friends friend encountered the first waves of “human surfing”? People who exist in an individual bubble may see the other as just another page to be surfed and then forgotten, if the platform is bursting with pages – as the singles capital bursts with singles –then there is so much to be surfed and so little time…

Of course very few people living in this “area” would assert that a person should be treated like an interesting-but-common internet page. Except, if their individualism doesn’t allow them to recognize their actions. If everyone is selfish then selfish becomes the norm, just as if everyone is single then single becomes the norm. Like the internet surfing era, if everyone is rewired to think in a certain way then there is no one to ask “why are you surfing for relationships, (jdate/e-harmony is one thing), but in person?”

So I ask, is “human surfing” another effect of the internet age?

Poetry With An Explanation: "Ever Been on a Blind Date on Steroids?"

Have you ever been on a blind date?

How about a shidduch date?

Which do you prefer?

The former, is set up by friends or,

has its genesis in a wink on one “date” site or the other.

They tell me,

as I have never experienced an ordinary blind date,

that you should have no expectations.

Mature means mother.

Pretty means nice.

Nice means…

After all can you trust,

a person to be honest about themselves

or a friend to be aware of their misguided motivations?

Is the latter any different than the former?

How so?

Perhaps it is the source.

A relative who has vetted the person for you

Done the research and decided

“I have a good feeling about this one.”

I am powerless, a man

used to the ways of nature

is now subjected to another’s subjective

Interpretation of the self, by the other.

Where do you meet a spouse or a long term intimate friend? Some go to the club and are satisfied for the moment. Others go to the library and are too timid to approach or are “ignored” for a book. Our friends, especially the ones who just got into a serious-relationship/married fell like they are now experts and found the perfect one for you. Don’t get me wrong most of my friends met their spouses through friends. My best friends met his wife at a party in my apartment. But for those not governed, or not wishing, to be governed by providence…

For the religious person there is an ostensibly unique approach. Here an individual, you, makes an active decision to allow someone else to actively search for your mate. A complete loss of pro-active power, no initiative required. Some in an effort to regain power reject, out of a state of confusion, or even immaturity. Others jump on every opportunity, after all my relative would never set me up with what they perceive to be what I want.

Don’t get me wrong I am not projecting resentment.

Just curious observations

It IS interesting.

So does the blind date differ from the shidduch date?

Is it not a matter of managing expectations?

If that’s the case the difference is not the type of date

but rather the reason why you agree to go on the date.

In the blind date your expectations are “blind”.

In the shidduch date your expectations are on steroids.

Justly so?

I don’t think so.

Semantics at play,

no difference,

just the label?

Ok.

So maybe we should just call it, I don’t know…

a blind date on steroids?